This piece was written for the Black Hole Club Mayday Reader in May 2020. It explores the difficulties that arise when an autistic person tries to communicate allistically.*

I Can’t. 

I want to.

I can’t.




modal verb: can't

  1. Cannot (v)

c. 1400, from can (v.1) + not. Old English expressed the notion by ne cunnan. The typical representation of the Scottish pronunciation is canna.





See definitions in: All (Nautical) (Carpentry)


Hypocritical and sanctimonious talk, typically of a moral, religious, or political nature:
"he had no time for the cant of the priests about sin"


Language specific to a particular group or profession and regarded with disparagement.

"thieves' cant"

Denoting a phrase or catchword temporarily current or in fashion.

modifier noun: cant

"‘herstories’ rather than ‘histories’ as the cant phrase goes"

Talk hypocritically and sanctimoniously about something.

"if they'd stop canting about ‘honest work’ they might get somewhere"

(of a ship) swing round. 

"the ship canted to starboard"

(Carpentry) a wedge-shaped block of wood, especially one remaining after the better-quality pieces have been cut off.

"a squared-off cant remains, containing the knottiest wood"

Canticles (in biblical references).


/ˈkantɪk(ə)l/ noun;

plural noun: canticles;

singular proper noun: Canticles;
noun: Canticles

1. a hymn or chant, typically with a biblical text, forming a regular part of a church service.


2. another name for Song of Songs (especially in the Vulgate Bible).

Origin Middle English: from Latin canticulum ‘little song’, diminutive of canticum, from canere ‘sing’.

My little song, without hypocrisy & no political talk

(disability is political tho)

is that I can’t.


I can’t because I don’t




It’s too much


And words that slide on the tongue

like so much spittle and gack:
Slack & Skype & so many #’s

*Allistic = not autistic