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Self-Help Monologue

Act 1 Scene 2:


The stage is lit, the players ready.

The Artists sit in the front row, throwing shade and incomprehensible ironies.


Tim ‘Wetherspoons’ Martin stands in the middle of a painted street wildly clutching at his uncombed hair.


Tim, screeching:

“Dyson makes breathing apparatus! Britons could BOYCOTT European booze!”


Tim, staggers and falls to his knees giggling and weeping:

“I'll bring the price of beer down."

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