Tim Wetherspoons Martin
Act 1 Scene 1:
It’s a sunny May Day in Brexit Britain and Tim ‘Wetherspoons' Martin is keeping busy taking photos of neighbourhood cats while hoards of people can be heard in the background chanting protest songs.
Tim to a passing tabby: “What is this that they are protesting against?”
Cat, airily: “Oh, we accidentally caused the apocalypse."
Tim, madly to himself: "You always end up with a nutter in charge."
Cat, to the audience: "Cats have free reign."
Tim makes a great show of listening to the protesters: "How can people protest in their homes?"
Cat: shrugs and saunters away.
Tim turns to the audience: “Crisps will remain at the current price.” he twitters.